Two seconds with a retard, two months of a hairband.

I got a haircut a few days ago, and now every time I look at my own head I am angry, and leads to a long rant in my head. This is not a very convenient thing, as I happen to look at my head in the mirror quite a few times a day.

What happened was, I walked into this hair salon, and instead of the usual older Chinese woman/young-ish Chinese woman/young-ish Chinese fellow, this woman who looked like an Indonesian maid showed up. Fine. I've come to this place loads of times, this is a bit weird, but I shan't be racist. She layers the back of my head alright, I don't really know or care what it looks like, but she does accidentally jab her fingers/comb into my eye/mouth quite regularly. Then she moves on to cutting my bangs. I point at my eyebrow to indicate the length, and she picks up a section of hair on the left side of my head and cuts it, at a point above my eyebrow. Then she moves on to the middle, then the right side. She is so  inept that my bangs end up wavy, higher on the eyebrows and lower on the forehead. 

I am not kidding you, it looks like this.

She can see me getting agitated because I can see in the mirror how painfully short my bangs are, and puts on a serious face whilst brushing my fringe around my forehead with her fingers, pressing it down desperately so it sinks further over my forehead. 

'It's very short' I say, in the primitive language she speaks and I am not good at.

'No, no,' she says, brushing her fingers around quicker and quicker.

'Look, it's too short, and it's crooked.'

She keeps saying it's okay and I say it's too short, you're supposed to cut it longer and adjust from there, but instead you straightaway go and cut it there and it's too short – in a really garbled manner because I am really bad at their confounded language. 

She still keeps pressing my 'bangs' further down on my forehead like I am mentally challenged and will be fooled by that, and says – get this – 'your hair is oily now, and when it's oily it will rise up more.' WHAT THE HECK? Every retard knows that one's hair sinks down more when it's oily, and it's only oily because your rice & curry stirring fingers have been wiggling around through it excessively.

I don't say this, WHY? Because I am crappy at their crappy language. I ask for the boss, but she says there is no boss there. I ask how long she has been working there, and she says 6 years, impossible because I have been going in for at least that long, albeit only 1-2 times a year. I have no choice but to let her cut the middle bit that is too long, and let it all be ridiculously short, but at least not look like a cartoon helmet.

Unfortunately upon later inspection it's still not even, but I've cut my own fringe enough times to be able to fix it. Seriously. What a dumb bitch. I'm quite chilled about my hair being cut since leaving high school (where everyone had to have mushroom heads), because as long as it's not too short it's fine, and I have a narrow face so I don't really worry about a haircut making my face look fat, but this is the first time I've left a hair salon seething.

And after my hair is clean and hey, more fluffy, I can see even more clearly how lousy the cut was.

Things I did wrong -

1. I should have walked out when I saw her, there are loads of places on that floor, another one that I've been to and is okay too. She gave me a sinking feeling and I should have trusted that.

2. I should have had the other hairdressers see how crappy she is, and told them to tell the boss (but also I looked so fugly with her curry-laced finger oil plastering my hair to my forehead I subconsciously didn't want more people looking at it).

3. I shouldn't have paid, or at least paid a very nominal fee. 

4. I should have told her she was the most disgusting hairdresser I had ever seen, and she shouldn't try to insult my intelligence by making up half-baked excuses.

Finally, is that or isn't that the worst set of bangs you've ever seen? It's even worse than the picture quality.

 

It looks like I cut it myself after watching 500 Days of Summer and smoking pot.