Death Scene

I always imagine the scene of my death to be one possibly after an accident or at the climax of an illness, one with a doctor swarming around shrieking 'She could make it!' and a really handsome, age-appropriate man shaking me by the shoulders and begging me to be okay. 'Please! Fight it!' 'You just have to fight it!' 'Don't give up!' 'You need to stay alive!'. I'd stare back groggily, and he would go on, pleading and sobbing, like I mattered so much, like I made all the difference in his world, and then I'd say I'm sorry and close my eyes again and then die, and he would just weep desolately and everyone would say sadly how I could have made it. 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I'd like to make my exit. Unfortunately it will more likely end in a car accident (statistically speaking, I am a very safe driver/pedestrian :) ), or heart attack (I am very angsty), but the only way I could actually control it is by killing myself, and heck no I'm not doing that. And that makes me sad. Why can't I design my own death? Why? I didn't get to do birth, why can't I do death? Why?