I'm not going to go into detail about all the various aspects in which this guy was completely wrong for me, but focus more on the financial situation & personal approaches towards money-spending habits and respect for other people. Z and I used to date last year, and he lives outside London (not even in Greater London like most people, just not London). This made it quite expensive for me see him, because the train was about £11 each way and the bus £7.50 (he would insist I visit and not vice versa). Sometimes he would give me a portion of or half of the bus fare, and sometimes rant about how I got so many perks by going up (free lodging - as though I didn't pay rent already, free food - as though he was a good host and actually fed me instead of lazing around playing EVE Online).
Anyway point was Z was not only a selfish douche, but a highly stingy one. He would make me buy my own drinks, and on Christmas Eve made me go to some fucking lame fucking expensive buffet at a Chinese restaurant, after forcing me to bail on the family friends who are bloody nice to me. As though I want to overpay to eat food I know can be much better. But okay whatever, it's all water under the bridge, I can brush it off as him not having much money at the time either, not really having a job and all. The fact that he was much more willing to spend loads of money going out with his friends negates that a bit, but for argument's sake I'll let that slide.
Fast forward almost a year, he now has a job, a car, loads of hours, loads of money, twice my hourly wage, twice my hours. I honestly stopped being interested in him, but he'd still [kinda] chase me, and so we started hanging out - not really seeing each other again. Let me take it from the top.
The first time we hung out he had made a whole big pitch about picking me up from London then hanging out at his place then driving into London the next day and going on about buying us both travelcards to get around because I said mine would have expired by then and I wasn't going into Central London that weekend. This changed to picking me up late at night, hanging out at his place (watched Despicable Me and fell asleep), driving to St. Albans and saying we weren't going to London anymore, then asking me for £10. I was like wtf, and then he made a whole big deal about how he'd 'driven me around for two days and was going to buy me lunch'. HUH? DRIVEN ME AROUND FOR TWO DAYS? I said 'you haven't driven me around for two days', and he said 'one and a half, whatever, it's still 50 miles and bla bla bla bla bla'. I didn't ask him to get me did I? It was his idea. I don't make suggestions to people then act like they're inconveniencing me after they accept my suggestion. Also have since found out that he goes to London loads of times to hang out with his friends, some of whom are girls he hangs out with one on one, one of whom he went to meet in Amsterdam and have some whatever weekend trip together. I bet he doesn't ask them all for money.
Fast forward. I stop expecting the slightest bit of anything at all from him, but he invites himself over and eats my food a couple of times and spouts romantic insincere drivel and paws me.
The most recent time I saw him, he'd been inviting himself over and then the day before we'd agreed he would come, then like half an hour before he was supposed to pick me up asked me if I wanted to see him, because he'd forgotten what we'd decided on. I wanted to go to the pub and I said he could come if he bought me lots of drinks and he said okay. Fifty minutes later he picks me up from work. We park on my street, to walk to the pub later, and I figure since we're on my street I'll drop my bag off and tell him so. He says 'Don't forget your wallet.' I say 'You're not buying me drinks?' and then he says 'Maybe. Just one. I'm not buying you drinks all night.' I never really drink more than 2 anyway, but whatever. Appalled at his rudeness, I'm not sure why I didn't just go in and lock the door behind me. Add one to the list of things to kick myself about. What peer actually says don't forget your wallet? He's either 1. Blatantly telling me he isn't getting me drinks. 2. Suspecting me of being sneaky and wanting to purposefully leave my money behind so I don't have to pay (I always carry money. I have money in my Oyster card holder) or both.
I don't want to go to the pub anymore but I still want to drink, so we go to the off-license. At the off-license I pick out a Magners cider and he faffs around.
I ask him if he's getting anything and he says 'Are you buying me drinks?'
I say 'No, are you buying me a drink.'
He says 'Depends, how much is it.'
It's a cider at a fucking off-license, how much can it be.
'£2.29.'
He doesn't say anything and looks at the beer display.
I say 'Whatever, I'll just pay then' and walk off. He doesn't follow. I am not surprised, but why should I be. When he comes over to the counter I am still getting coins out and he still doesn't offer. Then he buys four beers which adds up to more than twice the amount my cider was.
Fast forward the rest of the night where he eats my food, we watch Horrible Bosses and he spouts farcical mush about how amazing and beautiful I am and when I come back he 'wants to take steps to make me his girlfriend.'
Fast forward to today, several days later, and a few days after we talked about going to eat at this place tomorrow. I ask if we are still going and if he is treating me. He says yes and we are splitting the meal. I said I'd pass.
I've spent some time thinking about it, and really. Seriously? Really? Seriously? I'm quite possibly one of the least materialistic people out there, and I genuinely like buying little things that make people happy.
I saw a little buddha statue in Camden Market the other day, and while it holds no value to me, I know that that abusive psychofest I dated (not Z, E.) would have liked it and I was a little bit sad we were no longer on speaking terms because I really wanted to get it for him. Because that is what I'm like. I got the sorbet flavour he wanted more. I got him sesame snaps when I was at the supermarket. I got him a can opener because he was opening his cans with a lame can opener that he couldn't turn and had to open things by repeatedly punching holes in them. I don't spend loads of money on clothes either, as a matter of fact quite recently I got home from work one day and on the bus developed a compelling feeling to create an inventory of all my clothes, because I feel like I have too many. I have 30 pairs of tops, not including my two Heattech tops and Marks & Spencer thermal tank top. 4 bags. 8 pairs of shoes of all kinds, 7 of which are black, 4 of which I never wear. This could go on.
The point being, I'm not a materialistic person. I also don't spend a lot of money. It's not in my nature to spend loads of money to travel to see people (unlike Z who did loads of London trips, just not to see me) nor to say I'm going to do one thing and do another, nor even to expect whoever I date to shower me with things. I appreciate genuine, proper genuine emotion, and wanting me to be happy. If Z, who clearly has loads of money to blow, judging by his Asos wardrobe and bragging 'I took out 100 quid a couple days ago I've no idea where it's gone', and heaps flowery words onto me and him and 'us', cannot even scrounge up the willingness to buy me dinner. Then really. Seriously? No hard feelings, I'd just rather spend my money in better company.
If there's one thing E has taught me, it's that I'd rather be alone than be around something that didn't make me happy. If I had learnt this the first time I'd dated Z, I could have saved myself the psychofest of E. But it's not to late to leave Z again.
No comments:
Post a Comment