One of my friends in London (ooo I sound like I have so many but I really don't) turned 20 recently, and she decided that the best way to celebrate her maturity and the death of her teen years was to party at a gay club.
Lousy Tofu didn't want to go because he never wants to go anywhere with me, but then I insisted he did so he agreed to. We have our separate days then meet downtown at a pub. After the pub Tofu has convinced one of his friends to go to the gar bar too (he cannot suffer my presence alone) so we all go at stand outside G-A-Y at the designated time. Tofu does a very good 'impression' (put in quotation marks because it is part impression part reality) of a gay person with a gay lisp and has the gay bouncer put paper wristbands on us. He and his friend do an uncannily good performance of 'Sweet Transvestite' from Rocky Horror. I like it.
After 40 minutes no one has showed, and after a further 20 this guy we know shows up. We say we're waiting for everyone to go in and he says it's closing and he's just come out. All this time we've not been able to get anyone else who was supposed to go on the phone, presumably because they were on the tube. Gay bouncer confirms that it is closing, and we finally manage to get someone on the phone. They say they are going to another G-A-Y, with a slightly different name that bears no significance to me.
We meet at the G-A-Y #2, which is £2 to get in and has a really long line. We stand there for really long, and then two people from our group go in (one of whom is Clarence, and this happened several weeks before he was our houseguest), and when Tofu and his [boy]friend and I are in the front of the line, the bouncer asks how many people are in our group. Tofu turns around and counts the birthday girl and all her friends and there are 11. He tells the bouncer, and then he tells us our group is too large and tells us to get out of the line. What a douche.
We regroup slightly further away, and the birthday girl says to get in groups of 2 for the next gay bar. Tofu gets all ummm and aaahhh-y so I leave him and his boyfriend and ask another girl, G, to go in with me. We walk along and Tofu largely ignores me and I get rapidly bored, but also make conversation with a couple of other people, including Clarence. When we are at the bar I realize I've lost sight of G and then she's gone so I have to go back to Tofu and his boyfriend. We go through gender-separated security lines and regroup inside.
I see Tofu at the bar, and I ask him what he is doing. He says he is getting some water and I am really thirsty, so I say 'Can I have a bit?' and he says 'Why can't you just get your own?' 'Well can you ask for two then.' He refuses. I am appalled, then he starts defending himself about how he wants it and he feels bad enough asking for it in the first place and so on. I walk away, and stand around with the birthday girl and G, then Tofu comes over with some water and starts offering it to me. We argue a bit about why he wouldn't just let me have a drink of his instead of being a jerk.
Tofu and his boyfriend go off to the dancefloor and start grinding each other. I'm not nearly intoxicated enough to, the Smirnoff Cola I had on the tube like a delinquent fast wearing off. Clarence is standing around weirdly like me, so we go stand in one of the short arched hallways between the bar and dancehall that don't have gay people making out in them and talk and watch the others. Clarence has a torchlight and shines it on random people.
Tofu comes over and starts asking me to dance, but I'm not very inclined to be a third wheel amongst my own boyfriend and try to dance to Baby One More Time, so I don't. We start shouting at each other because it's very loud and we're getting annoyed. He leaves and Clarence asks if we are shouting because it's loud or because we're angry. I tell him about the water thing and another thing related to a house party Clarence was at too, quite some time ago which sucks balls.
Clarence & I go sit upstairs and find another dancehall, which has music by far better than the downstairs one. There are benches down the side of the room too, so we sit there near the door. A few people walk past, and one guy turns around a couple times and stares at me. Clarence wants to get water and asks me if I want anything, and I say no but he asks me are you sure? Just some water? and I say okay.
The guy who was looking at me earlier comes back and stands next to me.
'Hi,' he says.
'Hi,' I say.
He pauses.
'Uhh.. Are you gay or straight?' I say.
He says he is straight and I ask what he is doing here. He says he is with some friends some of whom are gay. I say I am with some girls some of whom I heard are gay but I don't know who. He says he is from Israel and we make some small talk and then I tell him how my passport is banned in Israel. He says it isn't, and I say it is. He says it isn't. I say it is, I'll show you right now! And he goes no no no no there is no such thing. He goes on to explain he works for an airline or whatever and 'we would love to have you in our country' etc. I start to feel meh because this conversation isn't interesting at all.
Clarence comes back holding two very refreshing looking cups of iced water, and I take one. Israeli Guy remains there and I don't know what to do but I don't really want to talk to him anymore. A couple of the girls who were with the birthday girl come up and tell me Tofu and his boyfriend are looking for me. I tell Israeli Guy I have a boyfriend so he leaves. Then I go to Tofu and his boyfriend and we leave.
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